“persona(s)” - Part 2

(Notice: When considering how to navigate this series, I promised myself that I would be as vulnerable and authentic as I could in this space. As someone who still processes through past trauma and daily anxieties, the boundary that I have set is that I will have dedicated time and space for Q&A.

These stories are told from my point of view. Please respect this space and the people involved. From these stories, I hope to illustrate growth, forgiveness, and healing.)

Growing up, I often wondered where I would end up. That question could be answered in so many different ways. By location? Texas to Illinois to Indiana to Texas to where?

I grew up in a tiny town, and everyone knew everyone. Both sides of my family were important to me and valuable assets to their community.

My grandfathers each served in different ways. My maternal grandfather, Calvin J., was a well-known local pastor. He led a local church for a period of his life before passing away. My paternal grandfather, Gerald R. Sr., came from a large family and is a twin, as am I. He worked for the local school district for approximately 15 years before retiring.

Looking back now, both of these men have had a significant influence on me. Calvin J. and I had a pretty close relationship growing up. One of the fondest memories I have with him was getting the chance to help him coordinate his Sunday morning attire. The tie was what connected everything together! Cuff links had to match the dress shirt, and the dress shirt had to complement the tie. It felt good to be praised by the man I found so much in common with.

My “Paw-Paw” is a complex and intelligent simple man. Raising five kids with my grandmother in the ’70s had to be something else. Coming from a large family himself, I am sure he understood what it meant to be a strong male figure in his household. His father was the Theo that I refer to in my introduction. Considering that he was one of the best facility engineers at one of the local school districts, this man can fix anything! Even in the more seasoned parts of his life, you can find him waking up to cut his grass at dawn.

As I entered my thirties, I often asked myself about the legacy I wanted to leave. Even after witnessing their successes and failures as a kid, I hoped that one day I would have a fraction of the influence they had. One thing that I was not ready for was my pain from failures.