“the good. the better.” (Part 2)

On October 19th, 2025, I flew back to Texas to serve as a witness in the case of The State of Texas vs. Zachary Pfluger. As one of the victims in this case, I navigated through so many thoughts. What resolution was I seeking? How would I process seeing him for the first time since 2021? Would the mental work that I had done be practical? In all honesty, I had some level of pre-closure. Bitterness and anger would not have allowed me to process the trauma cognitively. The impact of this event prompted me to explore what justice truly meant.

On Tuesday, October 21st, 2025, I provided my witness statement, documenting the events of October 31st, 2021. That day, I was shot a total of three times by Zachary Pfluger. As of today, I still do not know the actual reason for his actions. Now I know that he was misusing a controlled substance. With that knowledge, it still did not change the impact of what he said and did to me that day. Getting on that stand that morning, making eye contact, and having to repeat the things that he said to me before shooting me had me in and out of a state of paralysis.

To give you a visual description, aside from my parents and a few people of color on the jury selection, the room consisted primarily of Caucasian attendees. This case was being tried as a conviction of “Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon & Hate Crime Enhancement”. I have never used the word “faggot” or “nigger” in front of other people. My anxiety was out of the roof! After communicating my witness statement, I started to feel myself going into a panic attack.

Nothing had prepared me for that witness stand. I was not sure if it was seeing Zachary for the first time or not understanding why the trauma still hurt as much as it did the day that everything took place. I had also learned that Zachary had issues with substance abuse. The defense submitted the argument that it was because of the misuse of Adderall that he ended up shooting me. Was I really expected to empathize with the man who attempted to murder me?

Everything that I learned and applied to my life from therapy wa being challenged in this moment. My self-ethics, religious deconstruction, and my human desire were all battling to be the speaker of my narrative. This was when I realized that it was time to choose to be fair to myself. Zachary intended to hurt me. I was defenseless when he tried to take my life. Now, in this courtroom, I refused to not fight for myself.

“Zachary Pfluger, I forgive you. The Gerard you see today differs from the Gerard you saw on October 31st, 2021. Then Gerard was friendly and willing to put the feelings and decisions of others before his own. He understood the need for grace because he knew how it felt to want it himself. Now I understand intent vs. impact. Growing up, I experienced the grooming of desensitizing myself to pseudo-identifiers such as Token or Oreo. Is it intended for these words to offend me? Possibly. Did this leave an impact on my life? Did this make me question the value of my intelligence, character, and commitment to my community? Does my blackness or queerness denigrate the egos of non-people of color to the point that there needs to be a justified reason in any state of mind for racism? Being "digestible" for people is a concept that I am learning to unlearn. My identity is in what I believe to be consistent truths about myself. I want to be kind, proud, and graceful while being confident in my authentic self. There is duality between Intent vs. Impact. On October 31st, 2021, many truths were happening. You made decisions that your intentions, regardless of your state of mind, affected my life temporarily and permanently. As a Christian, I wanted to protect the sacredness of the community I assumed we were both fighting for. As a Black American, I was traumatized. Regardless of the state of mind you were in, your words were still impactful. I feared many things that day, death being one of them. In a way, that day, a part of me did die. I started to prioritize my advocacy.

I forgive you, Zachary, for taking away my sense of safety.

I forgive you, Zachary, for your choices that could have left Dorothy and Gerald Richard Jr. without their son.

I forgive you, Zachary, for allowing your choices to make me more fearful of living an authentic life.

I forgive you, Zachary, for allowing your choices to hinder the development of a true friendship.

Through this forgiveness, I am still mourning, but I can be thankful for growth, endurance, and understanding my identity.”